After a long journey, I've reached a deep burnout

Hi everyone, I've been rarely posting on dev, or even being active at all. I've started thinking...

Hi everyone, I've been rarely posting on dev, or even being active at all. I've started thinking about it seriously.

btw post was unstructured. I don't have the time or editorial skills, so this isn't a perfect novel, but rather raw thinking✌

I actually started my journey 8 months ago. It all started with creating a proton mail acc, just to get a feel for all these communities. It wasn't anything serious; I thought I'd probably get banned or lose my password, and that would be the end of it. I used to dabble in Godot and watch YouTube. But soon, it became my life.

The more I discovered the internet, the more time I spent on it. I started spending less time studying YouTube tutorials. So, I've become quite skilled, and now I don't enjoy watching noob videos, which make up 90% of all tutorials. I started spending more time on social media...

But eventually, I asked myself, "Why?" Why am I on BSky if the algorithms don't even promote my posts past 230 followers? So, I started using it less. Because I got tired of it. I switched to Discord. But I got tired of it too, especially after finishing another jam.

You might get the impression that I'm a caveman lol 💀

The Biggest Problem

I realized I was wasting my time on the wrong things. I realized I was coding less, looking for more ready-made solutions, asking the AI ​​for help...

I realized my brain couldn't even come up with an idea for a casual game anymore. I realized I was burning out. And it didn't happen overnight... It took many months...

Soon I began to realize... I DIDN'T LIKE CODING, I LIKED THE PROCESS OF LEARNING!!!

I used to enjoy discovering new things every day - watching new tutorials, watching videos of newbies like me... But I was at an intermediate level, so it just became uninteresting. It's just not fun anymore.

Now that I have Discord, why should I even bother googling? Why should I search for information when I can ping @@Godot "help"?!

I'm tired. I'm tired of being burned out. No matter what I do, it always leads to burnout. Maybe I'm just out of gray matter.

I've always set limits for myself-for example, like in the previous post-if my game for game jam doesn't make it into the top 100, I'll quit game development. That's nonsense. Honestly, I don't care! What do these external factors even matter to me? A year ago, I didn't know about any of this, just poking around in the editor and playing games? And now? You know, I don't even care how you rate this post!

...Okay, don't kid yourself, all these factors have become way too important... What is this, a dopamine pit? A number addiction?!

I'm actually surprised how many people here, way cooler than me, are so modest about their successes lol...

Okay, let's digress. If this... I just said... Okay, if you want, I can make a "Talking" post where I share the mess I was dribbling above.

Discuss

After I wrote the post, I felt relieved. Not that... Okay, what do you think about this? Yeah, you can just say, "Go to your Godot, whiner, and cut off your internet connection" - that would be perfectly fair 👍

But with each jam, I'm getting more and more disappointed - I'm finishing last... I've just finished the third jam and am waiting for the results.

Or maybe I'm right? Maybe I really should throw the router out the window?

Okay, I'll continue the post. It's time to stop, though I wanted to write more. Good luck, and I hope you don't experience such burnout, although I probably didn't convey the full gravity of the situation in the post, idk, I don't reread posts. Bye 😏

P.S. after reading this post, you might feel like I'm exhausted not so much by development as by social media. yes... I'd like to talk more about dev, but next time